Welcome to hell:

So this summer should be a pretty good one what with one of my very best friends moving back to the shitty state of Iowa and for the most part it has been. Its just that I've noticed when I have extended periods alone or in the presence of people I'm really not the best of friends with I've been getting more and more depressed. Part of it is a feeling of isolation and that people don't care further proved by the fact my phone will go days without getting a call or text. It scares me so bad because I know this is all I have to look forward to in my adult life. And my dear friend who moved back claims to be saddened when I feel like this but half the time he is the cause of the alienation/isolation feelings or general mood I'm in. I don't think he gets how he affects me with what he says and does. He's one big never ending mindfuck and it kills me almost daily to deal with it. And see tonight is a big example of isolation. My family left to go on vacation and I grasped the opportunity to have the house to myself to do some drinking quite possibly. My dear friend can't come because he has to work so there goes both companionship and our source of booze. And my other friend that was supposed to join me has been texting me today but we still have not met up to get supplies or to even figure out if we're still on for tonight or not. I've sat listening to satellite radio for over four hours now waiting to see if I will be joined at all tonight. I wish I had a connection of my own to get me some vodka so I could sit here tonight and drown my sorrows while bawling my eyes out. Unfortunately I don't have Steve's number and Mat is out of state. Fuck why don't I have more older friends? Sometimes I'm sure the only reason I'm still here is that I'm too much of a chicken to off myself and I don't want to hurt my mom or Allison. But whatever I'm done ranting for now so I guess I'll just sit around my house some more or something, who knows. But good bye for now sweet little 1s and 0s representing this on my page, for you're the only ones who give a damn it seems.

So I decided to get on here today just to realize I haven't posted in 10 weeks. Oops, I kinda fail hardcore on the journaling front. But my real reason was to put up a widget for a totally amazing artist I found in late March. His name is Evan Taubenfeld and he played on the Snakes & Suits Acoustic tour with The Academy Is.... He's really amazingly down to earth and very talented. He does a very unique and audience involved show that is definitely worth it to go see. But all praise aside here is the widget that is essentially a little mini version of his website. If there is anyone out there reading this, I hope you enjoy it.

So i kinda stopped doing the whole picture blog thing, yeah woops, i kinda forgot. Not a whole lot new with me other than the possibility that i re-injured my foot over spring break. Most likely from the three miles in flip flops on thursday and then at least four miles in very worn vans on friday night, yeah definitely might have something to do with the foot pain i'm experiencing.

But anyways, spring break was so much fun but it was also a bit of a mind fuck in and of itself. Probably confused half of Havasu, you know who is mark dating me or sam, or the both of us. Sam still refers to mark as his roommate, weird based on they've been dating for a decent amount of time. We did some couple-y things like going to get his glasses together, taking his car to the shop together, him dragging me shopping in prep stores, going swimming together twice, and of course walking the vegas strip at 12:30 am together on a friday night. But one thing that really got me was when he was looking over my shoulder at pictures from around the time of graduation and his party he sat on the arm/back of my chair and ended up with his head resting on my shoulder of all places like it belonged there. and boy did it feel like it should belong right there. and then from talk as we were walking back to the hotel to get some semblance of sleep, he was talking about when he moves to chicago, it almost sounds like sam won't be going with, and i can see highs and lows to this. plus i am going to be getting drunk in chicago unless i go back out to visit him in havasu before he moves, i'm told i have to in fact, but whatever. and also this summer when he goes to check out his campus in chicago i'm going with him i have no choice in the matter, not that i mind much at all. and he seemed genuinely happy that i came to visit him and he also seemed very sad i had to leave at least based on the comments back and forth. its kinda sad and pathetic that i can't get over him no matter what i do.

also we have plans to go back to vegas together when we are 21 and have allison be our babysitter. we would give her rules about when to take our money from us and to cut us off from drinks, as well as keeping us out of the streets, keeping clothing on us, and of course keeping us the hell away from chapels if we are drunk. we're also going to go see zumanity if its playing still and allison and i want to take a stripping class, plus hopefully by then i'll have the money to buy myself something pretty from the stores at the forum, god that place is amazing.

but thats enough for today so toodles to you all.

i have a lot of days where i'm in the process of coloring don't i?

holy crap its been over 3 weeks. and by the way, i hate calc.

oops i skipped a day again.

so i totally missed out on yesterday's because i didn't make it back home in time to take a pic, so here's today's.

i recolored the hair last night

two weeks officially woo hoo!

and here is today's

I missed a day again so i'll do a slightly different photo set up for yesterday's photo since its the only pic i took yesterday. and the other girl is my friend.

thank god its friday

So here is day 10, and on time even. Plus i'm going to add a regular posting at the bottom after the picture.


Okay so i'm trying my best to get arrangements to go to the ap tour because it is not in iowa this year, damn them all to hell for planning it that way. but i've had the option for either minnieapolis or chicago, but its now pretty much that chicago is the only option. i would be going with alesha and her roommates/friends. i would feel a little awkward i think but whatever i don't really care as long as i can go. the only part that really scares me is the whole idea of driving in chicago. but i digress. my first step is to get it past the parentals and shit. yeah talk about a hellascious task. and to top it off, its on my dads birthday so i'll really have to plead and shit. and i'm sad that they will not be in iowa because i would have loved to have taken allison along with. oh wells. and i looked back over some of my old blogs on here last night and i must admit that i'm not as bad a writer as i had previously thought. i actually liked some of the things i had written. and in the world of the unchanging, i'm pretty sure my social life has moved in with my love life in the ritzy and desirable nonexistent neighborhood.

amendment to the beginning of this post: it doesn't look like i'll be allowed to go to the ap tour, or if i go it will be in secret, which i don't see happening since they will probably want me home for my dad's birthday.

So i fucked up and missed my deadline by 10 minutes, again. So here's day 9's picture as well as some voting links for a band i like that is trying to play the taste of chaos tour. They are Same Sick Feeling, or SSF, from Des Moines, IA. They are really awesome people and the music isn't half bad. So please vote for the very nice boys in SSF.




Hey!! PLEASE REPOST THIS BULLETIN!! it raises our "Buzz Factor" on our site the more places these links appear!!!!





Its Easy! Register an account at battleofthebands. com!!



Thank you all for voting for US EVERY DAY!!!



We've moved up to 10th on the list of KC bands!!



And arent doing too badly in Minneapolis or Chicago either!!



Visit our backstage area to vote for us in all THREE cities!!

without further ado

so its been a week, not a lot of change though really.

Dammit, i totally missed a photo for yesterday completely. Yet again I say dammit. I'll do my best not to forget again.

okay so i totally blanked on posting this while it was still day 4. so i'll post it now and then post one for today's actual post later on in the day. so without further ado, day 4.